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I am currently starting a project about John Milton and C.S. Lewis. Perelandra the second book of Lewis’s Space Trilogy sends the protagonist from Out of the Silent Planet, Ransom, to Venus to perform some mysterious task that will have lasting impact. The task turns out to be preventing the fall of Venus (Perelandra) by working to keep the Perelandran Eve, known as the Green Lady) from succumbing to the temptation of a supernatural, though limited, human/demon.

Lewis published this work shorty after his seminal Preface to Paradise Lost, and the parallels between Milton and Lewis abound. I am focusing specifically of the form of temptation as it is presented by Milton, interpreted by Lewis, and modified in Perelandra. I want to present a conversation between Paradise Lost  and Perelandra with Lewis’s Preface as the bridge between the two.

I am also working through creating a critical edition of part of Ælfric’s De Temporibus Anni. The project involves transcribing from 3 manuscripts, collating, translating, annotating, and providing critical commentary as well as a glossary. There is something remarkably pure about dealing with manuscripts. Every letter change or stray mark begs for an explanation. Though I cannot answer all or even some of them, the questions make the project more enjoyable.

Finally, I am writing a critical study of the lack of civil discourse surrounding the publication of Rob Bell’s Love Wins. This book created a firestorm amongst Evangelicals and I am exploring how both sides set up straw men to attack and thus could not establish grounds for civil discourse. This portion plays small in the entire controversy, but it does show a problem within Evangelicalism in the willingness to attack quickly without full analysis.

This experience has been both difficult and rewarding for my family. Mandy and I feel we are growing in our faith, but these moments have come through a difficult process. God worked in so many miraculous ways to bring us here, yet I find myself leaning back on my own ability in my mind. This leaning normally results in anxiety because I trend toward self-doubt. God has been reminding me of his sovereign control over all aspects of my life (including my work at school) and his promise to never leave or forsake me. Academic life naturally has a tendency to turn one in on himself with its constant self-promotion and marks of achievement. I have to be aware of the fact that this inward focus can quickly become an idolatry of self if it is not balanced with a heavenly perspective that is God-centered.

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I have a strange memory that recalls random and mostly insignificant details from my childhood (read: most of the entire Saved by the Bell show). I had a Sunday School teacher named Billy McGehee that always had some news of the world to share with us.

So, in the words of the great Billy McGehee, “Those are the facts.” This is also the guy who said, “Everybody knows that a bow-legged woman can’t hem a hog in a ditch.” Do with it what you will.

Peace.

To this point, the blog has served for me to give you my grand eloquent thoughts (sarcasm, he seemed to say) about the goings on of my life and in the world. So much of my time is now spent neck-deep in whatever I am studying, so I will now utilize the blog to relay the things that I am learning as a student and as a teacher/tutor. At times, I will focus on one specific text or category. Often, my thoughts will be limited to random musings, as they have been since this blog’s inception.

Either way, feel free to comment below or on facebook or whatever new technology presents itself between now and 5 seconds from now.

We are studying John Milton’s epic Paradise Lost in my 16th and 17th century poetry class. The poem is masterfully, albeit mysteriously at times, developed. I am often left in awe of Milton’s imagination and also wondering what he might be “saying” in the text about God, man, Satan, the political climate of Britain at the time, etc. Critics have debated the many of facets of this work for quite some time, and I hope to add something to the debate at some point in my career. I am tentatively writing about John Donne’s use of graphically violent imagery in the Holy Sonnets for this class as well, so you can expect posts on that subject soon.

Rather than continuing to ramble on about Milton, I will leave you with his masterful description of Death as approached by Satan:

The other shape,
If shape it might be called that shape had none
Distinguishable in member, joint, or limb,
Or substance might be called that shadow seemed,
For each seemed either; black it stood as night,
Fierce as ten furies, terrible as Hell,
And shook a dreadful dart; what seemed on his head
The likeness of a kingly crown had on. 

--Book II, Lines 666-673.

Love my family. Miss my family at times. Mandy handling a lot. Very thankful for her. Visiting churches. Getting involved with small groups. Old English. 17th Century Poetry. Rhetoric and Composition. Tutoring. Teaching. Tutoring. Teaching. Continental Philosophy and the current strand of post-postmodernism.

Savell turned 1 and has a very funny personality. Ollie really loves his little sister and playing chase all over the back yard.

The Braves will win the wild card. The Braves will not win the wild card. Auburn has a decent office and a terrible defense. They have a young team, so losing a few games is to be expected. The Colts will continue to be terrible without Peyton Manning.

Learning to manage my time and redeem every moment. Living on less… a lot less. Mowing the grass. Allergies. Trying to stay in some sort of shape. Knoxville has a lot of hills. Allergies.

The “abortion is genocide” people were on campus last week with their graphic signs. I have more to say about this approach, but I cannot for the life of me string together a coherent response.

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This post serves as a quick glance into my head and as an opportunity to organize my thoughts. Thanks for reading. I hope to have a more cohesive thought to blog sometime soon.

Another friend in graduate school likened his Ph.D. program to being underwater and coming up for air every now and then when possible. Again, the reference works. I took one of those moments from Friday lunch to Saturday lunch, a school Sabbath if you will. I thoroughly enjoyed time with the whole family and a couple of quiet moments with my wife.

One of the benefits of living in the North Hills of Knoxville is that we are within a short drive (and sometimes walk) from some great playgrounds. I took him to one on Friday that has some flat natural boulders that are perfect for an almost four year old to climb. He’s fearless. He slips and bounces right back up to play again.

Saturday morning we played with his slip and slide, which really amounts to him sitting in the water sprayers and playing with his toys. I was playing with his foam baseball bat and huge plastic baseball because, well, I am still waiting on that invitation to join the Braves during September call ups and I want to be ready.

I hit the ball close to the fence and discovered over 100 marbles that had been dumped there at some point. I never played the game “marbles” unless you count “Marble Madness” for the Nintendo, but they have an inherent beauty to them that I was able to share with my son. He loves them, though we limit playing with them to times when his sister is asleep. The first time we took them into his room, he dumped them out, which is fine except for the fact that we have hardwood floors at our new house.

And so began the mad dash to collect all of the marbles before they rolled to locations where they will never be seen again.

I begin my second full week of school today and I feel somewhat relaxed, though that may change in an instant.
I say relaxed, but I guess I am as relaxed as someone can be while trying to drink from a hydrant, come up for air, scramble on rocks, and keep all of his marbles…

And while trying to maintain his swing for September call ups.

Salesperson: “In the uberplatinum sponsorship, you get the big billboard, prime commercial space, and at least 100 mentions per game.”

Delta Rep: “Sorry, not enough. You have to bring it to get one of the world’s top airlines, even though we are the hometown airline.”

SP: “What if we name the hot dogs after you? We could call them Delta Dogs.”

DR: “Nope.”

SP: “We can’t change the name of Turner Field, but what if we call it “Turner Field at Delta Stadium?”

DR: “Not enough.”

SP: “Okay, you know we need your business. You’ve twisted my arm. We will give you the original offer… plus we will give you “The Delta Air Lines On-Deck Batter.”

DR: “No way. Deal!”

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Maybe I am missing something in the modern advertising era, but some things should just be left alone.o

I will post sometime next week after school starts. I have a lot of topics to discuss, but every time I try to write them down the only thing that makes it to the page is something like, “jdnfouhfidsfnnidnfaondcincjgjh.” See what I mean? Those are my thoughts about the U.S. Credit rating getting lowered.

I would write a clever ending, but I cannot think of one right now. So… bye.

The transcript of his post game interview is classic (Credit: Atlanta Journal-Constitution, Dave O’Brien):

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On the game-ending play at the plate

“I know I’m safe.” [Smiles]

Did he miss you?

“Yeah, I think so. He made the right call.” [Raises eyebrows]

What, your slide was so fast we couldn’t see you hit plate before the tag? [Sarcasm]

“That’s what happened.” [Smiling]

You secretly snuck around him? [More sarcasm from reporter]

“I was trying to avoid the tag.”

Surprised by the call?

“He made an appreciation call. Safe or out. That’s what they do.”

An appreciation call?

“Yes. You can appreciate if I was safe or out. He thought I was safe.”

What did you think?

“I was safe.” [Smiles]

How many times were you tagged?

“I was safe.”

So you were never tagged?

“I was safe.”

Ever been a part of a game like this?

“It was crazy, but it was good.”

—

The best part is DOB’s inclusion  of both his and Lugo’s sarcastic facial expressions and tones. The words on the page are given life by these quick asides and DOB did a nice job to bring us into the conversation.

1. The funny email addresses I had as a teenager seem pretty dumb now. Could you imagine a 30 year old with an email address like “feelnmoody”. (I did not realize this email’s opening for off-color jokes when I set up my first hotmail account.) This applies to usernames as well.

2. I still remember when it took a good 5 minutes to load a website. I was a lot more patient when I was younger, or I was a lot more distracted. Either way, I now get frustrated when a page takes time to load.

3. My most visited pages are news sites instead of video game sites or professional wrestling sites… Don’t judge me, I loved the Wolfpack.

4. I actually think before writing now (Note: This is not always true).

5. I have no idea how to use the new acronyms and I do not care to learn. The old man in me also hates it when people use them in person, you know, if in person conversations are still around. (That is my generation’s: “GET OFF MY LAWN!”).

I’m sure there are more, but it’s in the afternoon and I need to go take a nap.

Mandy and I found a house to rent in Knoxville on Saturday. This entire journey has been one example after another of God’s great faithfulness. He has stretched us and increased our faith and has provided all that we have needed. We trust that he will continue to provide.

I heard a sermon on the passage above and I felt some conviction about our home selection process. We, as a culture, get consumed with what we can get from a neighborhood rather than what we put into it.

Our attitude going in is one of consuming: “What are the schools? Is it safe? How are the neighbors?” We should be asking more questions of how we can benefit the community.

Is there anything wrong with wanting good schools or being safe or having good neighbors? Absolutely not. The problem comes when we make these questions the determining factor in where we live.

According to Paul in Acts, the purpose of God placing us where he has is so that we will “feel our way toward him and find him.” We have to ask the question: “Is God at the center of my pursuits?” This question applies in all facets of life. Those things that are good and valuable in our lives have the greatest potential to become our idols.

I believe through a number of affirmations that we will be living where God has called us to live. But I want my heart to pursue God first over his blessings.

Anyone else share this struggle?

We have been incredibly blessed. God has clearly provided for us to follow his call, above and beyond any natural means. I feel a bit torn in making this statement because who am I to claim God’s blessing? Why should I think that God is blessing me above other people? I honestly struggle with guilt  because I feel like I am presuming on God’s grace when there are others that are much more deserving. The questions resounding in my mind is “Why did God bless me so much?”

A little background: this decision is the first time where Mandy and I are completely living on faith. We have had an easy life (with some struggles), but God has called us to a new life where we will literally dependent on his provision for “daily bread.” Living this way has caused us to ask God to provide for us in ways that we never have.

I realize of course that being alive at this moment is a work of God’s grace, and that the job I have had that has provided for my family is a work of God’s grace. In this situation, he is taking our family to a new level of faith that is exciting and terrifying all at the same time.

Here is how he has provided:

1. In a very tough climate for getting into graduate school, I received a Graduate Teaching Assistantship at the University of Tennessee. I am honestly not a very attractive candidate. I am not published and have no teaching experience. I have no idea why they accepted me. Also, this offer was the only one that could possibly open doors for my family to move, so we feel this offer was all a part of God’s plan.

2. The 1999 Toyota Camry my wife was driving was not big enough for our family even now. Our daughter’s car seat caused us to have to remove the passenger seat headrest and we have no storage space. Well, someone called and told us that they believe in what we are doing and want to help. Next thing we know, I am turning over my truck and we are given a 2007 Nissan Quest, above and beyond what we need.

3. I will need to work part-time in order to provide for the family. I interviewed in the last couple of weeks and have a tutoring job paying a great rate and I will have the opportunity to continue working with teenagers.

4. We own a house in Montgomery. We tried to sell it for several months and received no serious offers, culminating in an open house that netted 0 visitors. On July 5, at 3:00 pm, Mandy put our house for rent on Craigslist. On July 5, at 6:30 pm, we had a deposit down and an agreement in place. We really like the family that will be living at our house and are excited about the opportunity to bless them.

In thinking about these many blessings and the weird guilt I feel associated with them, I have learned that it is not up to me to be in the business of determining where God dispenses his blessings. He has given me so much and my only response should be “Thank You.” I think that the guilt I feel is some remaining pride where I want at least some reason in my control that earns God blessing. I struggle with the idea that I have not done anything to deserve these gifts.

And that is the point.

I have not done anything. Any attempt to try and justify God’s blessing for me leads to me trying to earn God’s favor. God is not my servant; I am his. I should be thankful for whatever blessings he gives me and ask for those same blessings for others. The answer to the resounding question of “Why has God blessed me so much?” is “God has blessed me so much out of his goodness and for his glory.” All of the other reasons are his.

Please forgive me for a bit of a rambling post because I am still trying to wrap my head around all that God is doing. Please pray for us as we need to settle on a place to live by Saturday and begin planning our move. Pray also for us to continue to believe in God to meet our needs, especially when we seem to have no answers. God has promised and he continues to deliver on these promises.

P.S. I should also add that God has already begun to develop relationships with friends in the area. One family we met through a friend emailing Mandy after she wrote a blog post about our move and they have been scouting houses for us in the area. Another family will be moving there next summer to work at a church. I also found out this week that a friend (and fellow blogger) from high school lives in Knoxville now and has offered to be our official Tennessee Welcoming Committee (shout out to http://meetthebuttrams.wordpress.com).  God continues to confirm that this is where he wants us to go.